The Possessed

 

 

The sun in crepe has muffled up his fire.
Moon of my life! Half shade yourself like him.
Slumber or smoke. Be silent and be dim,
And in the gulf of ennui plunge entire;

I love you thus! However, if you like,
Like some bright star from its eclipse emerging,
To flaunt with Folly where the crowds are surging —
Flash, lovely dagger, from your sheath and strike!

Light up your eyes from chandeliers of glass!
Light up the lustful looks of louts that pass!
Morbid or petulant, I thrill before you.

Be what you will, black night or crimson dawn;
No fibre of my body tautly drawn,
But cries: “Beloved demon, I adore you!”

Random Inspiration

photobooks - Copy

Poets and writers get their inspiration from all kinds of things, mostly consciously.  This can be from going to visit a certain place, from who we meet or an experience and we choose to reflect on it, and subsequently write about it.  We seek it out, hungry for creativity.

But random inspiration can also take you on a different path.  Here are my random books, bought from various places, waiting to be read.  Some I know of, some completely unheard of.  But all will contain inspiration of either a theme, or even just a single word – waiting to be harvested and used and give new ideas for my work.

Go to a secondhand bookshop, charity shop etc and pick out five books and read them and you’ll then know what I mean…

My papa

 

Happy Anniversary to my gentleman friend and lover.  A year ago today we embarked on a journey together.

He came into my life and saved it.  He is my white knight, who came with chivalry and bravery to save a feisty, yet broken maiden who was left bereft of confidence, hope and trust for two years beforehand.

He is incredibly intelligent, well read, well educated, well connected and well travelled, an artist who is extremely creative and full of ideas coupled with a sharp business mind as a photographic business consultant.

He’s a Freemason and I’m his Lady and I love all of that and what it means.  I feel safe, protected and respected.

He’s 56 and driven and as energetic as a man in his twenties in work and in play.

I love his bright blue eyes, sexy glasses, cheeky giggle and cute gap between his teeth.

He likes the finer things in life, spoils me, looks after me but is a risk taker and lives life to the full, as do I.

And so later today, I meet him  at Birmingham Airport following his trip to Saudi, and on our anniversary we will fly back to Dubai for a weeks holiday.

I  love you my crazy papa,

Your Lady,  your princess, your babygirl, your muse and poetess,

Katypepper

x x x

 

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Love and War

 

“Love is like war:  easy to begin but very hard to stop”

H L Menken

 

I’m close to a truce now for the first time in nearly three years.  Having stopped fighting with myself and mitigating for my ghost, I now have the courage to start bringing about the peace that I wish for.

I don’t need my ghost to write poetry, to live and enjoy life anymore.  I draw my inspiration and creativity from other people close to me now and new experiences which make me really happy.

But my ghost doesn’t want to face me, because once he does the exorcism will be complete and he will have lost me forever and he knows I will never want to have any contact with him again.

He must be really unhappy in his life, but then that’s why he chooses to remain a ghost to try and retain the control in the battle.

But I’m now, very much alive. And ready to stop the war.

 

 

Living, not just Existing

 

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” ― Oscar Wilde

 

Take a dream.  Take one dream and live it.  I dreamt of being a poetess.  My first collection is completed, but it sits relatively unexposed and unknown.  Being a poet is not just about writing, it’s about making your mark on the thoughts and feelings of others and not to be kept to oneself. So time to change the dream.  Writing can be classed as just existing.  Time to live, and live out the poetry which resides inside of me.

 

 

 

Poetic submission?

 

“Keep me rather in this cage, and feed me sparingly, if you dare. Anything that brings me closer to illness and the edge of death makes me more faithful. It is only when you make me suffer that I feel safe and secure. You should never have agreed to be a god for me if you were afraid to assume the duties of a god, and we know that they are not as tender as all that. You have already seen me cry. Now you must learn to relish my tears.”

Pauline Réage:  Story of O

 

Maybe submission to emotion, as well as to a lover can inspire poetry……

 

 Poetic submission?

 

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone

 

On Friday I will be announcing the launch of my first poetry collection “Of Lilith and Anthony”, which will be available as an e-book.

It’s been a long journey, and in just over two years work many tears have been shed, arguments ensued, all night writing, re-writing and re-drafting, photoshoots and editing over and over again.

I dedicate the work to anyone out there who has ever loved and lost, and still live with the ghost of that person, as I do.

I have learnt that if you can’t get rid of the ghost then you have to learn to live with them, and not let them stop you living a new life.  Let them haunt, if it’s more comfortable to do that rather than letting go or exorcising them completely.

I will always be in love with my ghost, who may or may not bear much resemblance to the man I thought he was and who he is now. My ghost gives me comfort, and hope that the love that existed between us was real.  Without that, the trauma would be too much to process and the consequences more tragic.

But on Friday 4th July, I stop placating the ghost who haunts me, and begin to live in reality.  Let the celebrations of my new life begin, and the champagne flow….

 

 

The Poetic Persona

 

“So to write is to cultivate a persona.”

Fiona Sampson

 

Whether we write novels, poetry or anything else, what we write may contain aspects of our personality and temperament but this doesn’t have to be the case.

To overcome being inhibited by our own sense of self-worth or self-esteem which can be a barrier to creativity, there  is another alternative – creating a poetic persona.

Who is the poet inside you? Are they male, female, old, young, do they use your name or have another, are they a character out of your imagination or an intrinsic part of yourself?

If you have the desire but still struggle to write, whether it be from lack of confidence, discipline, ideas, or afraid of criticism, then write through your poetic persona and let the inspiration and freedom in the words flow out onto the page.

Who knows where your poetic persona will take you….

Poetic Pilgrimage

 

 

“After 39 years, this is all I’ve done.”

Dylan Thomas (his final words before his death)

 

Today I went to visit Dylan Thomas’s boathouse in Laugharne, a poet who I love and inspires me.

I touched the floorboards where he trod, saw the view across the estuary where he would have seen, and heard the same sounds of the water and gulls he would have heard over 65 years ago.

I am sure many poets have ebbs and flows of confidence, and I do too, but when you examine a poets life, it tolls a warning of your own poetic morality. Being there made me realise that there is so much I need to do, and how important it is not to wait for the flow of confidence, but to write when confidence is at it’s ebb too, before it is too late.   Dylan Thomas accomplished so much in his short life, and my envy of that is a vital driving force to succeed.

I am 42 this year, and this is all I’ve done.  But I’m not done yet. I’ve only just begun.

Dylan Thomas's grave

 

 

 

Chivalry

Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth.

Charles Kingsley

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/charleskin403825.html#oIQh97fISleVDdcl.99

Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth.

Charles Kingsley

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/charleskin403825.html#oIQh97fISleVDdcl.99

 

 

Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth.

 Charles Kingsley

 

In my darkest times, I longed to be rescued, to be looked after and protected.  I used to lie in bed and cry night after night with the emotional pain which I thought would never heal after what had happened to me.  Two and a half years later, karma and fate have finally given me what I have deserved and so much more.  I now have living proof that chivalry is not dead, in the form of a man who adores me and adorns me, who is a true gentleman and knight and wields his sword by his side and will right any wrongs that may be done to me.  And where there is chivalry, there’s a story.  And where there’s a story, there’s poetry – written by a rescued damsel in distress, Katypoetess.

 

Changing the Universe

 

“A good poem is a contribution to reality. The world is never the same once a good poem has been added to it. A good poem helps to change the shape of the universe, helps to extend everyone’s knowledge of himself and the world around him.”
Dylan Thomas

 

I’m not sure whether I am confident to say that I can change the shape of the universe through my poetry but it  really has helped to extend and explore my knowledge of myself.  It has helped me process and understand the traumatic experience I have been through and shaped me into the person I am today – stronger, wiser and more focused in what I want out of life and who I want to be in it.

As the work on “Of Lilith and Anthony” comes to an end,  I realise I’m writing it down means the pain is finally written out of me.

And if some of the work changes and contributes to someone else’s reality then that makes me one very happy poetess.

Creating through modelling

 

“When you are modelling, you are creating a picture, a still life, perhaps something like a silent film.  You convey emotion but you are only using your body.”

Helena Christensen

 

This Sunday I am going to do a bit of modelling at The Photography Show at the NEC in Birmingham.  A bit of a diversion from modelling to illustrate my poetry and my blog.

 To create poetry, through being observed as opposed to being the observer gives a different and new challenge, but I can create a story for others through my body and facial expression that can result in inspiration for my own work.

So I am looking forward to a Sunday of writing – without the pen.

 

 

Knight Errant

Knight Errant

Sometimes it is all too easy to judge things as they seem to us at first.  We look at the girl in the picture and presume that the Knight has captured her.  Her face, turned away, does not give us the evidence that she is in distress, but we can see it through our own assumptions of what is happening.  But maybe the Knight is errant because he is setting her free and has rescued her. And so in poetry it is vital that we create words and verse that is open to interpretation if we really want to access different audiences.  The meaning is irrelevant, the picture is everything.

Creativity through Play

 

The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.

Carl Jung

 

For any creative person, the fear of being unable to create can loom within self-doubt.

We can study and research to get new ideas but the best form of creativity I believe comes through play.

Like a child, playing and exploring things around you with no particular intention or purpose can start something new and exciting and open up a new world.  Even better if you have got someone to play with, doing the most inane and ridiculous activities can lead to writing or anything else you had not thought of.

So the next time you get stuck creatively – go play.

Strength of feeling

 

“I used to think that no feeling was eternal, or even should be eternal. Life blots out life no less than death does.  But I was wrong.  Some bits of life have a longevity that is in proportion to their bitterness.  Some feelings have a strength….Shame is a snake, and you may cut its head off and it will live still.  Jealousy, humiliation – the vipers of the feeling world.”

MM Dowie – Gallia

Strength of feeling for the poet – those snakes – can be a powerful motivator to write.  Without those lingering strength of feelings, I would suspect only a small amount of the best known love poetry would have been written.  It is about having the instruments to command those snakes within, charm them, make them rise and dance and hypnotise you and as you burn in the intensity of those feelings, then the words will flow.

Sandstorms

 

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before  dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that has nothing to do with you, This storm is you. Something inside you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up the sky like pulverized bones.”
―     Haruki Murakami,     Kafka on the Shore

 

sandstorm-sahara-desert