La Petite Mort of Creativity

Katy Vampire May16 small[1]

Let me bleed out a moment’s release,

from this contemptible inner peace.


my tears are too clear of midnight ink,

my thoughts are apathetic and indistinct.


I look for omens, cracks in bedroom mirrors,

for owls, magpies – among nests of unfamiliar


I churlishly spread my coquettish legs

seducing any passing stranger’s death.


To be touched – trembled by fingers of grief,

so I can weave a wanton poetic wreath


I call all gods to bring me a sultry storm,

traumas to ride wild into rhythm and form.


I hunger for blood of an illicit lover’s return

to break open my heart, leave me spurned,

filling this barren womb with words

that haven’t been born, read, or heard.


© Katypoetess 2016



Clenched Soul


We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight erasing statues.

Pablo Neruda

Cacophony in the Second City


I amble amongst the snake trail
of crowds and loud streets
of consumer rights and political fights.

Then he came and  asked me
whether I had any faith at all
and I shook my head in a lie
while he thrust a pamphlet
of salvation into my hands.

And he said “Are you religious
as I am not and never was because
it binds you too tight but do try
as you might to turn to God my love.”

And he wished me a happy life
and a good day before he took
shelter in Subway as he was now
more than hungry enough.

Then I turned to a man who
had a plan through Islam
offering me an English copy
of the Quran while the busker
sung and smiled that he was
loving angels instead.

And my ego smiled back
and for that one moment
he was the prophet
that I sought amongst strangers.

Meanwhile, beside the homeless
and tomeless a lady mediates
in the rain for human rights
among the remains and pain
in a city of mistaken identity.

And I cannot hear any sound
of despair above the crowds,
but here in the air the
call to prayer is everywhere.

But paradise never comes.

©  Katypoetess 2016





Sed non Satiata (Unslakeable Lust)


Strange goddess, brown as evening to the sight,
Whose scent is half of musk, half of havanah,
Work of some obi, Faust of the Savanah,
Ebony witch, and daughter of the night.

By far preferred to troth, or drugs, or sleep,
Love vaunts the red elixir of your mouth.
My caravan of longings seeks in drouth
Your eyes, the wells at which my cares drink deep.

Through those black eyes, by which your soul respires,
Pitiless demon! pour less scorching fires.
I am no Styx nine times with flame to wed.

Nor can I turn myself to Proserpine
To break your spell, Megera libertine!
Within the dark inferno of your bed.



Charles Baudelaire

Sonnet 65


Since brass, nor stone, nor earth, nor boundless sea
But sad mortality o’er-sways their power,
How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea,
Whose action is no stronger than a flower?
O, how shall summer’s honey breath hold out
Against the wrackful siege of batt’ring days,
When rocks impregnable are not so stout,
Nor gates of steel so strong, but time decays?
O fearful meditation! where, alack,
Shall time’s best jewel from time’s chest lie hid?
Or what strong hand can hold his swift foot back?
Or who his spoil of beauty can forbid?
   O, none, unless this miracle have might,
   That in black ink my love may still shine bright.




 Acquire my peace within yourselves


She is nobody’s disciple,

a dither of image and noise,

amongst everybody’s daily causality.


No crowds will gather,

as she looks into the eyes,

that lie tied, and tired in front of her.


She is every colour

of skin, every age, every weather,

every obedience and whim, with no morality.


Dwelling in a magdala

of immortal solitude, amongst

houses of those who murmur against her.


Anointed teachings worn

that her saviour gave to her, more than all,

because, she – woman, was most worthy.


A heroine for faith

and faithless, contemplating salvation,

while drinking penitence from jar of alabaster.


She is subliminal free will

kissing thinning seperatedness

between determinism and uncertainty.


She is veiled opportunity

presenting itself, avoiding the past

that dances between resistance and surrender.


She is echoed resonance

of what might never have been

bestowing golden gifts of serendipity.


Staring at timeless stars,

loving with fear her own prophecy.

An outspoken, softly silent soothsayer.


Seven sacraments set,

yet no one hears her judgement,

that salvation lies in doing, not knowing.


But isolation is her myth.

All Gods and scientists roll dice,


and there is

no straight path

to paradise.


© Katypoetess 2016


*The Gospel of Mary Magdalene 4:1




First Love


I ne’er was struck before that hour
   With love so sudden and so sweet,
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
   And stole my heart away complete.
My face turned pale as deadly pale,
   My legs refused to walk away,
And when she looked, what could I ail?
   My life and all seemed turned to clay.


And then my blood rushed to my face
   And took my eyesight quite away,
The trees and bushes round the place
   Seemed midnight at noonday.
I could not see a single thing,
   Words from my eyes did start—
They spoke as chords do from the string,
   And blood burnt round my heart.


Are flowers the winter’s choice?
   Is love’s bed always snow?
She seemed to hear my silent voice,
   Not love’s appeals to know.
I never saw so sweet a face
   As that I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling-place
   And can return no more.
John Clare

When First We Faced, And Touching Showed


When first we faced, and touching showed
How well we knew the early moves,
Behind the moonlight and the frost,
The excitement and the gratitude,
There stood how much our meeting owed
To other meetings, other loves.

The decades of a different life
That opened past your inch-close eyes
Belonged to others, lavished, lost;
Nor could I hold you hard enough
To call my years of hunger-strife
Back for your mouth to colonise.

Admitted:  and the pain is real.
But when did love not try to change
The world back to itself—no cost,
No past, no people else at all—
Only what meeting made us feel,
So new, and gentle-sharp, and strange?

Philip Larkin

The Silencer


She whispers an aberration,

with mouthful of soot stained metal.

Pointing out deluded self-doubt,

muzzling lies with targeted fire.

Seizing breath without sound,

at least four Turks and a Russian

With little or no repercussion.


Synapsed heart from sharp to steel.

Drinking shots after taking shots,

murdering time as it flies fast home,

past window of his decamped reality.

For queen and ungracious country.


As he ricochets between

brittle past – hyper-vigilant future,

she holds him shell shocked.


In the here and now.


©  Katypoetess 2016



The Sick Muse


Alas, poor Muse, what ails you so today?
Your hollow eyes with midnight visions burn,
And turn about, in your complexion play
Madness and horror, cold and taciturn.

Green succubus and rosy imp — have they
Poured you both fear and love into one glass?
Or with his tyrant fist the nightmare, say,
Submerged you in some fabulous morass?

I wish that, breathing health, your breast might nourish
Ever robuster thoughts therein to flourish:
And that your Christian blood, in rhythmic flow,

With those old polysyllables would chime,
Where, turn about, reigned Phoebus, sire of rhyme,
And Pan, the lord of harvests long ago.

Charles Baudelaire— Translated by Roy Campbell

Las Vegas


Violation and depravity,

within isolation of this valley,

an extravagant medicine to take.


We pace the boulevard,

with no moral compass, neither

north or south in strip-sleazed haze.


Rolling violent dice

of drunken incomprehension,

morning sirens sing out my sin.


but the more I kneel before you,

the more you raise me to my feet


What happens with us, stays with us.




©  Katypoetess 2016

My Pretty Rose Tree


A flower was offered to me,
Such a flower as May never bore;
But I said ‘I’ve a pretty rose tree,’
And I passed the sweet flower o’er.

Then I went to my pretty rose tree,
To tend her by day and by night;
But my rose turned away with jealousy,
And her thorns were my only delight.


William Blake

The Temptation of St. Anthony II



From Emperor to Vampire, then a journey to resting place of amoral monk.

Dwelling in ruined fort, living in a sin of retired idleness. Momentary desires

to follow the birds south, he spends his days tending a garden of lilies in the desert.


Anthony holds his poetess captive for too long without his hands, she now writhes

naked and tied to column of lost temple. Tresses burnt dark from exposure, tantalized

by a God that brings her an ambrosia of light that transforms her dishonour into beauty.


He kneels to pray, lifting his eyes to see diamonds that sparkle within cobwebbed clouds

of time. Lips thin as he repeats supplication to attain a separation of will from his saintliness.

He exists in immensity of memories that create an illustrious sun, slowly beating him ashen.


“I should have been tied to the column near to thine, face to face, under thy eyes.”*


No Queen of Sheba, Greek goddess or any other mirrored manifestation of Magdalene

can stir him from his solitude. Solemn palm stands proud, shading him from enticement.

Every supper, when he breaks bread, the serpent wrapped round it slides away to the sea.


Amongst pillow saturated by aroma of the palm, he is eased into sleep.  An owl’s wing

softly brushes his cheek, powdering his skin against succubus of lust, that swells in unrest

and desperation, clasping him in persuasion to give in and cry out together, never again.


“I feel my heart growing as the sea when she swells before the storm.” *


He dreams of faded flowers, fruits too ripe, which fall away into the thickness of the night.

Clinging to twilight bride’s back, she shows him stars that burn eternal and hold no limits.

Come morning, he remembers nothing. Only echo of memory, a thought – of distant remorse.


“All have passed. There remaineth me”*


*Gustave Flaubert – The Temptation of St. Anthony

©  Katypoetess 2015

Anthony and Katypatra


I arrive. Quickly turning bedroom from Rome into Alexandria.
Skin up, pop cork to dilute and delight blood with Bollinger.
Determined to mix up a confidence to conquer, my
Goddess summoning up a strip tease of your morality.

“The triple pillar of the world transformed into a strumpet’s fool.”*

Coiling concubine – arabesque around your thighs to
nourish exotic fantasy. Arching precision that brushstrokes
sorcery onto chest and fever the soft hair below your belly.
Teasing out your sacred melancholy, never leaving each others gaze.

“There’s beggary in the love that can be reckoned.”*

Your angel, your nemesis – drip feeding you a decadence.
I’m watching your concentration, my inspiration a Sahara
of aspiration as you write. You listen only to your own thoughts,
I triumph in cruel comfort of living the low life with you.

“O! my oblivion is a very Antony, And I am all forgotten”*.

Montage of limb upon limb, we snuggle idle – licking,
mewling as Persian kittens wrapped in each others paws.
Your kingdom falls into a Nile of our new found innocence,
equating to divine forever. Content and wonderfully misspent.

“Eternity was in our lips and eyes, Bliss in our brows bent”.*

Keeping temple open – you compulsively worship through Sunday.
Seductive flush of an asp’s curse onto suburban empire.
Bequething a purulent wound, I scratch hieroglyphics on your back.
Your fallen one, juxtapose all shades of crimson and gold. I leave.

“He’s speaking now, or murmuring ‘Where’s my serpent of old Nile?”*


*Shakespeare – Antony and Cleopatra
©  Katypoetess 2014

Sonnet LXVI – I do not love you except because I love you


I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Pablo Neruda


Magdalene Baptism




When love

cuts deep

with grieving,

one immersion

bleeds into

the next.


If she gave


in forgiveness –

would her shadow

follow her?


She unconsciously

weaves threads

of the past

summoning shroud

of the future.


Touched twice

in the laver

submerged in her

saviour’s perdition.


Condemned to

cold isolation

wet and dripping

with desire

in the font

of being saved.


Saved. But not quite free.



©  Katypoetess 2016

Mary Magdalene at the Door of Simon the Pharisee


“WHY wilt thou cast the roses from thine hair?
Nay, be thou all a rose,—wreath, lips, and cheek.
Nay, not this house,—that banquet-house we seek;
See how they kiss and enter; come thou there.
This delicate day of love we two will share
Till at our ear love’s whispering night shall speak.
What, sweet one,—hold’st thou still the foolish freak?
Nay, when I kiss thy feet they’ll leave the stair.”
“Oh loose me! Seest thou not my Bridegroom’s face
That draws me to Him? For His feet my kiss,
My hair, my tears He craves to-day:—and oh!
What words can tell what other day and place
Shall see me clasp those blood-stained feet of His?
He needs me, calls me, loves me: let me go!”

Dante Gabriel Rossetti